It's Christmas time again: long nights, cold weather, crackling fire in the fireplace, a Christmas tree, the smell of cookies and hot cider. This is your first Christmas with your fiancé(e), so enjoy it!

We celebrated our first Christmas as a couple in a university village. We lived off my husband's scholarship and had hardly any money to spend. The small fir tree we could afford was stabilized in a sand-filled bucket and was decorated with red candles and white macramé snow flakes, which I had learned to make just a few weeks before. Each time we lit the candles we made sure a bucket of water stood close by, just in case. I still remember how relieved the other students were when our tree was picked up by our janitor right after the New Year. I also remember the two gifts I received from my husband: a red university sweatshirt and a tiny pearl pendant. The sweatshirt is long gone, but I still have the pendant, and we continue to have real candles on our tree and use the macramé snow flakes for decoration. The only change the bucket replaced by a fire extinguisher.

With the birth of our children we added more family traditions that we truly follow every year. Our celebration begins at the first Sunday of Advent, four Sundays before Christmas. In late afternoon we get together in the family room and light the first candle on the freshly decorated Advent wreath. We drink tea or eggnog and munch on ginger bread cookies or other holiday sweets. Each Sunday we light an additional candle until all four candles are lit.

This is our Advents wreath. There are four wooden blocks connected by four bars with an insert for the candles. Each year we buy differently colored candles and select a matching decoration.

The Christian Advent, I am sure, had its origin in the Jewish Hanukkah celebration, where the candles of a nine-branched menorah, a candelabra, are lit on succeeding days. This custom originated in one of the struggles for religious freedom over two thousand years ago. When the uprising ended, the Temple in Jerusalem was repaired and cleaned. With the lighting of the menorah the congregation wanted to rededicate the temple to God. Unfortunately, there was only enough oil for one day, and it took another eight days to make new oil. To the astonishment of the worshipers, the small oil supply burned until new oil could be provided.

The celebration of Hanukkah commemorates this miraculous event. After the menorah is lit each night, with one more candle than the night before, the celebration begins. Food cooked in oil, such as latkes (potato pancakes) or donuts are enjoyed. Songs are sung and dreidle (a spinning top) games are played. While traditions vary with the origin of the celebrants, a favorite gift is simply money. And the children enjoy playing dreidle, anteing up with chocolate coins wrapped in gold foil, which are later eaten of course!

While the date depends on the Islamic calendar, Ramadan is observed around the same time. Moslems observe the birth of Islam when God revealed the Koran to Mohammed. It is the time to cleanse the body and the mind and get new insight while reading the holy book. At the end of Ramadan there is a celebration called "El Fitr" and the main meal is curried lamb.

Christmas, the birth of Christ, is also the birth of Christianity, and the gifts we give commemorate the gifts the three kings brought to Jesus. The Christmas tree, however, is said to date back to heathen times when a tree was lit during the darkest time of the year. The first decorated evergreen trees were documented in pictures painted during the Middle Ages in Europe. They were enhanced with cookies, pieces of sugar, dried fruits, apples, and sometimes paper flowers. Candles were added much later.

While most Americans decorate their Christmas trees at the beginning of this month, ours will be waiting outside until the morning of the 24 of December when we bring it into the living room. Since we all have different tastes, we take turns for being in charge of the decoration. On Christmas Eve we light the scented bee's wax candles. We gather around the piano, singing our traditional songs, and read the traditional story about the birth of Christ before we take turns opening our gifts.


Whether or not you are religious, and regardless of which religious tradition you follow, what you celebrate together will be important for your future together. Enrich your relationship by sharing your cherished customs or creating new ones together. It will form a bond that will strengthen your marriage.