Just recently I read in the paper that half of all manager jobs are held by women. There are more female students enrolled in medicine than men, and the number of women entering predominant male professions is on the rise.

One of these young women is my friend's daughter. She will receive her Ph.D. at the end of this year. Smart and independent, she knows exactly what she wants. Except for one minor little detail: she is still waiting for her boyfriend to propose after five years of being together.

What is the reason that women still adhere to that custom, when on the other hand they go to bars alone and ask men to dance? Is it the romance of such a proposal they yearn for? Are they afraid to ask, risking to get a "no" for an answer?

Monica and Alex

Andea from Ray's Boathouse introduced me to Monica and Alex, who got married there last summer. They are a great example of a modern couple who mixes old customs with modern views. In this article I would like to share with you how they "popped the question." and other great ideas they had.

The Proposal

In 1994 Monica and Alex met at the University of Texas where both attended a government class. They still consider themselves extremely lucky that in a class of 800 students they were teamed up in the same study group. After college they moved together to Seattle. From almost the beginning of their relationship, they knew they eventually wanted to get married. After seven years, four of which they lived together, Monica and Alex were ready. As with every one of their decisions concerning their wedding, they pondered each wedding custom and if it would fit into their view of life.

Since they saw themselves as equal partners, they decided to propose to each other. They picked a date, which was particularly meaningful to them. In the evening, they decorated their living room with flowers and candles and made tea. Then they celebrated their commitment by asking each other the oh so important question. Both of them had prepared special declarations of their love, and both gave a ring to the future spouse. In creating a new custom, just for themselves, Monica and Alex had generated an even stronger bond.

As with the proposal, this wonderful couple brought a fresh prospective and new ideas to planning and celebrating their wedding -- and the best thing is -- they will share them with us.

The Planning

After the proposal Monica and Alex started to plan their wedding:

Monica: As for our "wedding meetings," Alex and I held our meeting over brunch each Sunday. Our meetings were similar to project team meetings -- a way for us to check in with each other on our wedding plans, outline our "to dos" and discuss timing/schedules for the coming week. In our first few meetings, we talked a lot about our vision for the wedding, our priorities and our budget. In subsequent meetings, we discussed things such as arranging appointments to visit reception sites, our criteria for selecting vendors and our guest list. Were we in agreement always? Often, but definitely not always. Alex and I sometimes had different opinions -- for example, we were inclined to allocate our budget differently. (My budget allocated a lot to music while his put more to the honeymoon.) The key for us was to talk about our opinions openly and come to a compromise that both of us could accept!