My friend Julie and I put our heads together to find a way to give our friend's daughter, Judy, a wedding shower. The problem we had was that her friends were scattered all over the western US: in Los Angeles, Las Vegas, and like the bride, Julie, and me in San Francisco.

This was the shower idea we came up with.

It started with the title of the invitation. We called it the Not-Your-Ordinary-Shower for Judy. It was followed by these instructions:

The concept:
Shower-in-a-box -- a party by proxy to honor the bride and give gifts

The advantage:
No cake, fancy dress, games, boredom, hangovers

The mission:
Go find a "girly" gift (lingerie, bath soaps, candles, cosmetics, etc.), and mail it in the postage paid box to the given address no later than August 20, 2002.

The promise:
Keep the details a secret from Judy

The reward:
A photo of Judy opening your gift

Judy's wedding was planned in a leopard theme. We chose that too and bought wrap, tissue and ribbon in leopard design and sent them in reusable mailing boxes along with a return address and postage, and an enclosure card to the "guests." Everyone loved this idea and responded in sending Judy a shower gift.

Then Julie and I took the bride to a day at the Spa. Here we presented all her gifts to her. We took photos while she opened each present, and sent it with the thank-you note to every "participant."

We all had a ball!

If you are more computer-literate and technically up-to-date than I, you can take digital photos and attach them to an e-mail with Judy's comments, so the "guests" can participate in seeing all the pictures and read what she said on the same day as the shower. Another option is videotaping the event.